I miss you.
There’s an emptiness in my life, that I can’t seem to fill without you.
I think… I just realized something that’s not so, “pretty”, about myself.
I was fine one second, then all of a sudden, I just stopped in my tracks and rewound the tape.
I felt a different kind of emptiness.
It’s like all the selfish thoughts just vanished and I could actually hear the echo of the pin fall into my tin hole.
It was a nice day.
Today was a nice day.
I had a lot of troubled thoughts this past week. Drowning thoughts into my empty insecurities.
Today I took my cat to the park. I feel bad that he’s always cooped up inside 24/7. I bought him a sweater before we arrived. He got a little carsick & threw up once we arrived.
But once he laid his little paws on the grass he went wild. He’s a very adventurous and curious little fellow. He danced along with the butterflies. It was a cute site. Most people stopped and stared at him, they told me they had never seen a cat on a leash, yet alone, a bald cat.
I let him lead the way. After all it was his free time. After a while I found a long skinny twig, it was flexible enough to wiggle at the very end & I used it as a toy for him. He’d pounce at it every chance he got.
It was a beautiful day. I soaked up the orange hue of the sun and let it warm up the dark emptiness inside.
After a while Jaxx, the cat, got the courage to climb a tree. He looked at me, then at the tree above. “Try it!” I told him. And he did, he leaped up climbed half way and started to jump back down. I caught him & laid him back in the ground. He meowed at me and attempted to try it once more. Again, he jumped, got a little higher before he jumped back down again & I reached out to catch him.
We strolled around a while longer till the sun began to say goodbye.
The only time I get to spend with her now a days, is in the the dream world.So I don’t question why I sleep every chance I get.
I like it when she writes to me.
She only writes when she really wants to.
I write to her often.
I don’t expect her to reply, but I’m thrilled when she does.
I try to tell her positive things, about herself. She only replies to tell me sorry she couldn’t do more.
It breaks my heart.
I love her.
Sometimes, I don’t want to wake up because I like spending time with you.